The group tried four different surgical suture patterns to secure the bird, but all of them resulted in torn skin and a sadly scarred main course. The solution? A fifth bird, which was closed up with metal surgical staples instead of stitches, was by far the fittest for presentation at the holiday table.

Ever willing to buy in to useful culinary technology, I think I better pick up one of these quick, before the bird goes in the oven. Less than $10 and preloaded with stainless steel staples.

Oops! And one of these.

[Science]