There's an old man sitting just outside the frame of this photo of the sea. Trust us.
Amazon's new Kindle is finally—finally—waterproof. The new Oasis (same name, better bod) has a 7-inch e-paper screen, up from 6-inches, as well as a larger battery, and the ability to play audiobooks from Audible blah blah blah blah blah. Here's what we care about: Its IPX8-rated water-resistant aluminum body. The only tradeoff for this defense is the missing headphone jack. Don't worry, though: The device's Bluetooth will pair with wireless headphones now, and Amazon is on-trend.
The Oasis (starting at $250) isn't the first waterproof e-reader, but it's the only one tied into Amazon's decade-old Kindle ecosystem, which likely controls your entire personal library from Adams to Zinn. You might be wondering how this affects you. Time to take a ride on the ol' S.S. Imagination to get an idea of what you've been missing. [WAVY DREAM EFFECT]
We could read The Beach at the beach.
We could read Less than Zero while lounging in an extravagant, '80s-style pool.
We could read Heart of Darkness in the jungle
We could read Arnold Schwarzenegger's Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding in the steam room at the gym
We could read David Lee Roth's autobiography, Crazy From the Heat, in the hot tub at a sleazy motel
We could read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? in the future Blade Runner world where it's always raining.
We could read any Dr. Seuss book next to your kids who spill LITERALLY EVERYTHING. ALWAYS.
We could read The Fault in Our Stars alone in your bathtub, because that book is super sad and you'll definitely get teary all over it.
We couldn't read The Lord of the Rings near a volcano, because IPX8 certification protects a device in water over three feet deep, but not the lava from a massive, ancient volcano.
We could read Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea while you're eating a Filet-O-Fish in a McDonald's on a really humid day.
We could read The Old Man and the Sea while sitting next to an old man and also the sea.
We could read The Road next to a lake full of post-apocalyptic sludge