Science Confirms the Obvious

A new public health study released just in time for Global Handwashing Day (today!) offers not one but two gems of Science-Confirms-the-Obvious wisdom. Firstly: the gee-whizzer that men have poorer personal hygiene than women. Secondly, that people are more likely to wash their hands when others are watching.

Psychologists at Radboud University in The Netherlands carried out a study on 40 heterosexual male students to determine once and for all whether men lose control of their brain functions when they’re in the presence of attractive women. The test was inspired by one of the researchers who, when asked where he lived while having a conversation with an attractive woman, he was unable to recall his address.

Overeating makes you overweight. I'll pause for a moment to let this mind-blowing scientific finding sink in.

In the annals of Science Confirms the Obvious, there's rarely a zinger like this one. And it's no surprise that the media's had a field day, churning out Onion-esque headlines like, well, the one above.

Investigators at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research have unequivocally demonstrated that our parents often get on our nerves -- and we on theirs. "The parent-child relationship is one of the longest-lasting social ties human beings establish," said Kira Birditt, the study's lead. "This tie is often highly positive and supportive but it also commonly includes feelings of irritation, tension and ambivalence."

At the first-ever Ironman triathlon in 1978, the 15 competitors read these instructions in the race guidelines: "Swim 2.4 miles! Bike 112 miles! Run 26.2 miles! Brag for the rest of your life!" Well, sure -- unless you die trying. A study presented Saturday at a meeting of the American College of Cardiology shows that the grueling triad of events is indeed particularly strenuous, with a risk of sudden death twice that of marathons.

Think back to your college years. Did you spend more time at the lab bench than at the bar? Was getting a date harder than organic chem? If you carried protection was it for your pocket? We thought so.

I challenge you: Name one fact you still remember from the last test for which you crammed.

Anyone? Any fact?

Trouble with instructions? You’re not alone. Researchers at the University of Michigan have confirmed that difficult-to-read instructions dissuade people from embarking on tasks, and impart a suspicion in their readers that the task at hand will be difficult. As far as I’m concerned, this is major vindication.

Whether you call it a hunch or vibes, a reckoning or a feeling in your bones, humans know the power of a nagging suspicion. Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink stands as testament to the fact that snap decisions often turn out much smarter than those following a thorough think. Now, neuroscientists say they’ve not only proven what they call “subliminal learning” scientifically, but have found the brain area involved.

A church sits across the street from one of my previous apartments in Manhattan. In the evenings, I’d see a passel of people emerge from it for a spell of sidewalk chitchat, smoking, and coffee-slurping. I didn’t need a formal investigation to realize that these were adjourned Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. But now such a study has actually been done to confirm the legendary caffeine-and-cigarette culture of AA as a whole. It’s true: Twelve-steppers aren’t saying “Easy Does It” with these lesser vices.

A team from the Harvard School of Public Health has deduced what an annual Playboy survey has been telling us for years: Partying is more common at party schools. In a review of the 14-year-long College Alcohol Study, Director Henry Wechsler and Assistant Director Toben Nelson conclude that heavy drinking among students was more common at schools with an established drinking culture, lots of liquor stores, and awesome drink specials, a condition the researchers call a “wet environment” (which, I’m assuming, may also lead to a higher prevalence of wet t-shirt contests).

Another everyday emotion has been verified by the neuroimaging technique fMRI—this time, the warm and fuzzy feeling moms get when they gaze at their smiling baby.

Researchers have confirmed the unfortunate karaoke phenomenon whereupon terrible singers either do not know they sing poorly—or do, yet still hog the stage with little regard for the audience’s ears or glassware.

Clamber down a bunk bed ladder in the black of night at your own risk, says a large new study of the double-decker berths: falls, head entrapment, strangulation, and even ceiling fan entanglement may await.

Ah, college graduation! The first rites of adulthood in which campus living, the meal plan, and 1-800-COLLECT are readily traded for a rented studio apartment, long hours at the office, and rush-hour traffic. What’s not to be depressed about?

Echoing the cold comfort your parents probably gave during this rude awakening as you sobbed to them using your non-subsidized cellphone, a recent analysis by Canadian researchers confirms that many recent grads feel this way . . . and things really do get better.